Life

Alhaji Ashraff asked me a question about the generator in his house. I told him the first thing that came to mind. I didn’t know whether I was right or wrong, I didn’t even know what the question was and I can’t remember what I told him. I do this thing where I look at you and have a lengthy conversation with you and even throw in a few really? or you don’t mean it or my favorite — hmmmmmmm my sister and not even remember the conversation took place.

In my defense, this pretty lady just sent what resembled a ‘risky text’ — one of those once in a lifetime texts that forever defines the course your relationship will take. If you were not already in the friend-zone, failing this text (pun intended) is the cement, the sand, the water and the mason all together. It could be something as casual as ‘how are you?’ if she thinks you’re slightly less intelligent than a bowl of garri, she could add a few leading emojis here and there. As if recognizing those texts don’t drain your brain enough, you now have to go through the mentally abusive task of thinking of what to say, when to say it and how long is too early or too late to say it.

You’re doing this and you’re also visualizing the battery percentage of your self-esteem if it takes another blow when it turns out to be a harmless text. Imagine responding to a ‘how are you?’ with a picture of your painis with the caption ‘I’m fine’ then she blocks you immediately. You’re now left wondering whether she blocked you because she was really asking how you were or worse, she felt your painis was not painis enough.

I was still thinking about my strategy when I heard something that shocked the living attention out of me. I heard Alhaji Ashraff say ‘I agree with you’. My brain was still looking for water to drink before Alhaji hit me with another long-ranger. He said ‘You’re a Mechanical Engineer, you understand these things’. The same Alhaji Ashraff that saved my number with Ibrahim Zaria knows the course I read in school??, even more shocking, he agrees with me.

Life is too good to care about the text now. Maybe tomorrow.